Bob and I often say on interviews that readers tell us, “The first four laws, those felt comfortable — but that fifth law? That Law of Receptivity? Man, that one made me squirm.”
It’s quite amazing, how deeply ingrained it seems to be, in so many of us, that it’s good to be a giver, but not okay to receive. (How did you respond the last time someone gave you a big fat compliment?)
The other day we received the following note from a reader; I cried when I read it. After you read it, I’ll share my response.
Yesterday, I attended a group led by [a friend]. During that group, The Go-Giver was mentioned; I was curious and purchased the book. My curiosity was piqued because I have been told numerous times that I am a giver and not a taker.
As dinner was cooking, my husband and son were occupied, so I opened the book, planning to read a page or two before dinner. To my amazement, I was swept away — I read your book, no, not read, I absorbed your book in one night.
I was amazed by two things. One was that the individuals who said I was a giver and not a taker were right. I do give, and I don’t take. But what no one ever told me was that it is okay to receive.
I have given and given, never accepting anything in return. If someone did something nice for me in return, I always felt guilty or responded with, “Please, I couldn’t possibly accept,” until they stopped trying. I have given and not accepted anything in return for so long that I have lost myself along the way.
Just like your character Debra Davenport once was, I am a failed real estate agent. I have never even had a client, never mind a sale, but it is because I have tried to be someone I am not and have been focused on the end result. I have felt invisible and insignificant — I cried when I read your book, which may sound stupid, but my life is almost in ruins, and I now feel that I can turn that around.
My first step: realizing that I add value in my personal and social life. I plan on “becoming” Joe. What I mean by that is I am going to use the laws and I am going to apply one each day, starting today.
I am reading the book for a second time, it is so uplifting. I plan on making some changes, big and small!
I wanted to thank you for this gift that you have given me.
Sincerely,
(name withheld)
Real Estate Agent
In my note back to her, I wrote, “If we never heard from a single soul, never got a single note from any other reader but this one from you, it would have been worth all the effort to write and publish the book.”
The note from your reader brought tears to my eyes. I know how she feels! And, although it has taken me time to also truly understand how important it is to be able to receive (which, as your reader mentions is a FAR cry from being a “taker”), I have found myself feeling more and more comfortable receiving.
I think that one of the breakthroughs for me was coming to the realization that if everyone gave but refused to receive, then the giver might find him/herself denying someone else the pleasure of giving. After all, someone must receive if another is giving.
Again, it does come down to the difference between being a “taker” and being a “receiver.” By the way, I love the term “Go-Giver.” It’s so brilliant, and just the thought of being a go-giver in business is beautiful!
Thanks so much again for sharing the note from your reader. I have a feeling that she’ll stop thinking of herself as a “failed real estate agent” very soon!
This is another example of why “your gift” to us should be required reading. We recently brought on our first employee (part time) and it is required reading for him! Yes John and Bob, your book has this big of an impact! Thank you again for it!
Kathy, your note was a very touching and powerful one. Thank you!
Thank YOU, Joe. You’ve had a great impact on the entire Go-Giver community with your letters, your personal example and – fortunately for us – for allowing us to relate your and Renee’s story in our newest book. Thank you, my friend.
I remember the day I read The Go-Giver thinking how well I understood all the laws. When I got to receptivity I was a little stumped.
I heard a knock at the door. It was a vagrant type fellow selling brooms door to door. I would normally be very friendly and open with someone like this. I would normally try to help them and offer advice on how to do better door to door.
This time I just watched and learned, sensing there might be a lesson here for me (I was receptive!). I was wondering why I was treating this person differently but trusted that I would find out.
After he had gone and I had bought a broom and paid him more than he wanted (typical me), I worked out what he had been sent to teach me. The law of receptivity became clear to me.
I concluded that throughout his life, this unsuccessful vagrant had most probably “not” been open to receiving. If anyone ever offered advice he probably didn’t accept it with open arms. He had probably missed so many opportunities to learn and improve his lot because he was unwilling to receive. He was closed and non-receptive.
My learning that day was complete. It was a huge lesson.
I had the same thought as the real estate agent. I really didn’t like to receive, because as a Christian, we are taught to give without expecting any returns, or not receiving anything. In fact, I was wrong, in order to give more, I need to receive. As you said in your book, this is the flow.