From time to time, John or I will receive a letter from a reader of The Go-Giver asking for advice on applying the principles; usually within the context of frustration at dealing with people who are not Go-Givers.
Typically, at the root of the challenge is an underlying false premise, thus the name of a two-part post with that right in the title.
Just recently, we received an email like this, and we hope the response will help you if you face a similar challenge. (Of course, we received the writer’s permission to print his letter, and we have disguised or deleted any details that could possibly reveal his identity or location.)
He writes:
The sales profession is very interesting. I’ve tried hard to be “Mr. Nice Guy,” a “Go-Giver,” and to focus on helping others. What’s interesting is how some customers will try to take advantage of me (and our company). Often they exaggerate or outright lie, make promises they don’t keep, and in general treat me like dirt. (I’m sure they treat all “salespeople” like that. I don’t take it personally.)
There are days when I feel like, “Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy. I will just sell them and won’t care so much.” I’m trying to decide on which “sales personality” to adopt: Nice guy or hardass. My natural personality is “Nice Guy,” but I’m getting tired of being run around and taken advantage of.
May I ask for your thoughts about this? Any advice?
My response: While I’m very sorry about what you are experiencing, this one is pretty easy to answer.
You may be confusing being a Go-Giver with being a “nice guy” who allows himself to be treated poorly and taken advantage of. In fact, being a Go-Giver means no such thing. And being a “nice guy” should never (let’s make that NEVER) be confused with allowing oneself to be taken advantage of or treated poorly or disrespectfully in any way.
Being a Go-Giver simply means that you seek to embody the philosophy of focusing on providing great value to others, and that you follow the Five Laws. Nowhere in there does it say anything about being taken advantage of.
I have a favorite saying I’ve tweeted, posted on Facebook, and even written a blog post around over at my Burg.com site. And that is:
“If you are nice and being taken advantage of, it’s not because you are nice — it’s because you’re allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.”
When you say, There are days when I feel like, “Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy. I will just sell them and won’t care so much,” this implies that you expect to sell more by not caring about them. But in order to sell most effectively you do have to care about adding value to their businesses. I’m not saying you have to care about any other aspect of their life — but you do have to care about adding value to their businesses.
And they may simply not be interested in anything about you other than how you can potentially help them in their business. If that’s the case, then fine; focus on them, and on how you can give them more in value than you take from them in payment (Law #1). That’s the only (honest) way to build a profitable business, in both the short-term and the long-term.
Please don’t misunderstand or confuse what being a Go-Giver means.
Being a Go-Giver is indeed a profitable way of business. It’s also a way of doing business out of strength, not out of weakness (being taken advantage of).
Best wishes for great success. Looking forward to hearing back from you.
Great post! I can understand where this gentleman is coming from. In an effort to be a good salesperson you feel like you need to do anything for a client, sometimes without reward. Since I have taken on a better understanding of The Go-Giver and truly applied these laws, by giving value, not being attached to the outcome, being my authentic self and being open to receive, I can clearly see the difference in myself, my confidence and the clients I attract. I hope this gentleman hangs in and doesn’t sell himself short by not caring. I believe in the end he would find he isn’t happy with himself or his clients.
Wow – that’s powerful, Christie! Thank you for sharing with us. THIS is why you’re such an outstanding coach as well as very successful entrepreneur. I’m s honored that you are one of our Certified Go-Giver Coaches!
I have to admit that I used to misinterpret what being a Go-Giver truly is. And, like Christie mentions, having a better understanding what the Laws mean and also what they do NOT mean, has helped me to be a better, more confident, yet just as caring person. Thanks so much for helping us learn this. 🙂
Thank YOU, Linda! Great having you and Christie weigh in on this; both of you being Certified Go-Giver Coaches and terrific ones, at that!
Thank you Bob! I think I also speak for Linda when I say we have both learned so much from you on what being a Go-Giver truly means and it is an ongoing learning and living process, but so worth understanding the full message.
🙂 🙂 Thank you, Christie. You made my day…both of you! 😉
Spot on as USUAL Mr. Burg… Thank God For Speakers LIKE YOU getting this Message OUT…
To and Yours…
To Go-Giving Success…
Carly
Very kind of you, Carly. Thank you! 🙂
I just finished reading the book. Before, when I heard about the book, I found this blog. Just looking to see any new entries.
I sell handmade things on Etsy with the shop name BinduDesigns.
The thing is I am thinking hard to find a way to add more value to my
handcrafted things.
Without spending more money to add tags with signature on the item how can I do that? How can I tell people there is an added value to the item than the actual price they are paying?
Any help is much appreciated.
Thank you
Hi Bindhurani, welcome. Without my knowing anything about handcrafts, my suggestion would be that there are a number of ways you can add value. First, it’s not *always* a matter of adding extra value to the product itself (though, of course, when you can do that without expense eating too much into profit that’s always a good idea, as well). It’s often a matter of adding value to the process. In our follow-up book, “Go-Givers Sell More” John David Mann and I break the concept of “Value” down into five “aspects”…which are, “Excellence, Consistency, Attention, Empathy and Appreciation.” How can you do that? Take some time to really think and consider that. I have a feeling you’ll come up with some ideas that will add significant value to your customers’ buying experience. Please check back and let us know! (By the way, you might want to take a look at the following video I recorded regarding the difference between price and value – it might or might not spur some ideas) https://www.burg.com/2011/08/defining-value-different-from-price-and-why-thats-important/
Thanks for replying to my question. Love the video. also, I admire the principles you given in the new book. I haven’t bought the book yet. But you are so amazing to give the key principles away.
I hope, I will find a way to add value to my products in some way. I am constantly thinking about that.
Love your video as well. Also, find out that your personal website and blog is having more articles.
Thank you
I just finished the Go-Giver in one read. It was a great and inspirational read.
I am still a bit confused about the authenticity, adding value and serving others. I recognize myself a bit in the person you mention in your blog.
I still am uncertain, how to deal with what I want to do. Do you mean to tell that I need to feel where my limits and boundaries are?
For example, my girlfriend needs my attention but I am way to exhausted to be of any service. I could go try and do it or honestly tell her no, sorry not right now.
Like Jim Rohn said: first take care of yourself, then take care of others.
I just finished the book. I absolutely loved it! Very inspirational and actually when i read the first Law it made me cry. It was exactly what i needed to hear right now. The Law of Authenticity is such a lovely reminder. I am really looking forward to applying the principles. This book is one of the most generous books I have ever read. Thank you 🙂 Thanks also for clarifying about the difference between a Go-giver and Mr.Nice Guy.
Amanda: Thank YOU. What a kind and terrific comment. Very appreciated!
Bob, I’m listening to your interview on The Human Business Way. I will be picking up your book immediately. I feel much like the person in your post. I have been a sales rep for many years, and have always put my clients best interest first, but I feel as though many of my clients just think I’m a nice guy and that they can take advantage of that. I’m hoping for some guidance.
I appreciate what you do.
Hi Joseph, thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed the interview with Chris. He’s a great guy! I’m sorry you have felt taken advantage of by clients and such. Indeed, there is no reason for that to happen. While the book, “The Go-Giver” won’t specifically answer that question, it’s my hope that you’ll see – via the story and the Five Laws discussed – that there is no reason you need to allow yourself to be taken advantage of. Your focus should definitely be on providing exceptional value to your clients; the result being a hugely successful and profitable business. Being taken advantage of is not a part of that. Thanks again, and check back and let us know how things are going.