Adversaries into Allies
The bestselling co-author of The Go-Giver offers new insights into what it means to be truly influential.
Faced with the task of persuading someone to do what we want, most of us expect resistance. We see the other person as an adversary and often resort to coercion or manipulation to get our way. But while this approach might bring us short-term results, it leaves people with a bad feeling about themselves and about us. At that point, our relationship is weakened and our influence dramatically decreased. There has to be a better way.
Drawing on his own experiences and the stories of other influential people, communication expert Bob Burg offers five simple principles of what he calls Genuine Influence™—the ability to win people to your side in a way that leaves everyone feeling great about the outcome. In the tradition of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, Burg offers a tried-and-true framework for building alliances at work, at home, and anywhere else you seek to win people over.
Adversaries into Allies Reviews
“Adversaries into Allies is full of practical wisdom for becoming more persuasive while keeping your integrity intact. Bob Burg, a master of winning friends and influencing people, has written an immensely useful and thoroughly enjoyable book.”
“How can we achieve the challenging goal of turning adversaries into allies? We can start by turning the pages of Adversaries into Allies, which provides an impressively clear and compelling explanation of just how to do it.”
“I wish I had read Bob Burg’s newest book early in my career. What a difference it would have made! It is definitely a must read for everyone who wants to enhance their business success, but don’t just read it once. It’s a book you need to read time and time again. Many thanks to Bob for a valuable new work.”
“Bob Burg has delivered again! In Adversaries into Allies, you’ll learn how to influence and persuade others toward outcomes that create genuinely good feelings and results for everyone involved. The principles of how exactly to do that, consistently and predictably, are powerfully presented in this tremendous book. And you’re about to learn them from a master.”
“Simultaneously challenging and encouraging, Adversaries into Allies delivers on the promise of sustainable influence. You will literally feel your perspective shift as you turn the pages. Bob drives timeless wisdom into real-time action.”
Adversaries into Allies is wisdom wrapped in warmth. Reading it feels like sitting down with a dear mentor. You walk away reconnected to what’s most important, equipped with the ability to get what you want in a way that expands others.
“Bob Burg in an ultimate influencer. If you want to be one, get this book. Required reading for everyone in sales, management, and leadership positions — and anyone who wants to influence others in a positive, effective way.”
“As a pastor, I’m continually referring to the greatest theme in the Bible, “walking in love.” Adversaries into Allies is filled with practical stories and examples about getting along with people (walking in love) that will move you rapidly toward more personal and business success. The stories will inspire you and the examples will motivate you to become an Ultimate Influencer. This book is certainly a contribution to the well-being of mankind.”
“I just finished Adversaries into Allies and man I love it! It’s a great read that will increase anyone’s influence. I pay my team members to read good books. I’ll take a case of these as soon as they are available. I will also recommend that my leaders use this as a customer relations teaching tool, starting their weekly meetings with a chapter. Thank you my friend for another great book for personal and organizational growth.”
“Bob Burg is a deep thinker who has the gift of being able to take complex, incredibly important ideas, and, put them down on the bottom shelf so everyone can fully understand them. He is, in my opinion one of the leading authorities when it comes to how to create win/win relationships, which leads to creating influence. As you apply the ideas in this terrific book you will indeed see your influence expand to great heights. Adversaries into Allies is an incredibly important book. Read it, apply what you learn, and watch your results soar.”
“Wonderful. It’s written in a strong and yet kind tone which will show you how to use the same gentle but powerful strategies to win people over and get things done to your and their benefit.”
“Recently many of us have heard a lot of people talking about our society and the lack of civility we see. It seems that arguments are becoming more heated and more frequent in today’s world. Bob Burg does an excellent job with his new work, Adversaries Into Allies addressing how to deal with conflict and “turn lemons into lemonade. This is a book that would be useful for anyone who has to deal with other people. If the principles expressed in this book could be implemented by more people in our society today, we would have a much better world. Get this book. It really can change your life and those around you. In fact, have some fun! Buy several copies of this book for those who could be your adversaries and watch them turn into allies! 🙂”
“The valuable insight Bob Burg provides in Adversaries Into Allies is immediately useful in every area of life. Whether you’re running a multi-national, multi-billion dollar company, a small business, a community organization or a family, Bob’s wisdom goes straight to the truth of the human condition and delivers strategies and tactics you can employ right now. I loved this book! It is destined to become a classic in human growth and development.”
“In my opinion, every single trial lawyer, in fact, everyone practicing law who needs to interact with clients and opposing counsel, should get and read Adversaries into Allies. It’s that good. Bob’s hit a home run with this book. It’s now on my mandatory reading list for all the new trial lawyers that I’m mentoring to help them improve their people and trial skills. I’m already on my second reading. Bob’s book is one of the best life tools I’ve ever come across!”
“A lifetime of tried-and-true solutions to almost every circumstance in life, relationships, and business. Thank you Bob for walking in your value by delivering to us your heart’s work in this book.”
“I’m a big fan of Bob Burg and I predict his latest book, Adversaries into Allies, will be a big bestseller! Bob is known for being a masterful speaker and trainer, a real gifted communicator. Reading this book is like having a personal conversation and coaching session with Bob about how to use communication to advance your career, business, or personal relationships. The chapters are short, making it a fast read and each one a valuable lesson. I suggest reading this book and more importantly, implementing what you learn — it will enrich our life.”
“Bob Burg has written what I believe is the new benchmark on building positive relationships. This is truly a great book. Buy this book for yourself and your entire team today.”
“Adversaries into Allies is Bob Burg’s best work yet! I have read all of Bob’s books and every one without exception has raised the bar of excellence in helping people to do what they do better than they ever may have imagined. This book is no exception. Personally I can see myself on every page and how I can use the information and tools to improve my relationships. I judge the books I read by three standards: Did the book help me in my world? Would I read it again? And, would I give it as a gift? On all three counts the answers are a resounding YES! Outstanding read!”
“Bob Burg (co-author of The Go-Giver) has written a tremendous new book. Adversaries into Allies is for anyone who is in the business of getting things done with other people. The book is chock full of wisdom, practical ideas and how-to tips, all infused with Bob’s authentic generosity of spirit. This is a man who walks his talk — lucky for us he has put his vast experience and insights onto the page. Whether you’re someone just starting out or old enough that you’ve forgotten some of the things that helped you be successful in the first place. This book will remind you of powerful fundamentals. Bob Burg is a treasure — this book is more evidence of that fact. “
“Frankly I was amazed at the sheer number of invaluable tips included in Bob’s book, Adversaries into Allies. I had never considered being a ‘Master Influencer’ as one of my strengths, but armed with this new arsenal of tools and practical advice, I know I can improve ten-fold. The clarity of Bob’s writing style and the short chapters make it such an easy read that it’s difficult to put down once you start.”
Excerpt from Adversaries into Allies
“The single greatest ‘people skill’ is a highly-developed and authentic interest in the ‘other’ person.”
Communicate with Tact and Empathy
My Dad, Mike Burg, says, “Tact is the language of strength.” Communicating tactfully displays a genuine regard for the other person, which will open the door to making him your ally. It’s also somewhat of a linchpin in that—without it—your other skills will be rendered much less effective. The ability to use tact in every situation is key to becoming an Ultimate Influencer.™
Tact is the ability to say something in a way that makes the other person feel less threatened or defensive and more open to you and your ideas. This is powerful. Rather than bruising their ego and eliciting the usual resentful feelings and resistance most people can display in this situation, tact opens them up to very positively accepting your suggestion, and acting upon it!
Complaining loudly that your steak is underdone and curtly demanding it to be redone will be far less effective at getting the waitstaff on your side than gently calling over the waiter and with a genuine smile and appreciative tone saying: “The meal is delicious and I love the presentation of it. The meat is just a bit undercooked. Could you let the chef know how much I’m enjoying it, and if she could cook it just a tiny bit more that would terrific?”
Saying the right thing and saying it correctly brings forth results that seem like magic. The good news is that communicating with tact is a skill you will easily learn through this book. At first you may have to work at consciously utilizing it, but stick with it and it will soon become a natural part of your being. You’ll be amazed at how far a little bit of tact goes in influencing others.
Empathy is related to tact but can be defined as the ability to identify with another’s feelings.
Is empathy simply putting yourself in the other person’s shoes? Not exactly. Even if we have shared another person’s experience, our aforementioned individual belief systems, personalities, convictions, and the variety of our backgrounds makes each person’s reaction, even to common experiences, different.
Fortunately, in order to communicate empathy, you don’t necessarily have to understand exactly how they feel. All you need is to communicate that you understand they’re feeling something; something that is uncomfortable for them, and that you are there to help them work through it.
Like tact, feeling and communicating empathy for another person is a skill that you can develop. It is vitally important to becoming an Ultimate Influencer, and we’ll talk about the two traits together because they tend to work hand in hand. You will naturally display tact when you are truly empathetic to another’s situation. And speaking tactfully will communicate your empathy to that person.